Comments on: Show Up or Show Yourself Out

By: Erika

Erika — Fri, 22 Jun 2018 05:51:39 +0000

In reply to Bruce F.

The ominous music in that video makes it even scarier!

Of course — if someone is thoughtful and says she’s running late, then all is good! It’s all about respect for others, even others you haven’t met yet.

I have a whole other article I could write about what to do if/when a no-show/ghosting situation happens. On the one hand, some people don’t want to “yell” (via text) at the no-show person because it shows that the one being stood up actually cares. Of course you care! I’d recommend writing, calmly, that you were disappointed because you had made the plans and wish she had had the courtesy to inform you that she wouldn’t be there. You’re a busy person too, and deserve that much. We all do.

By: Erika

Erika — Fri, 22 Jun 2018 05:45:26 +0000

In reply to Lacy Walker.

That’s what I want to make sure you avoid — you feeling like you weren’t enough. You’re more than enough! His no-show was all him and had nothing to do with you or your value. He just, honestly, sounds like a jerk. At least you learned early, as awful as it was.

By: Bruce F

Bruce F — Fri, 22 Jun 2018 04:26:32 +0000

I’ve had a couple of dates not show and then ghosting even after confirming things the night before.

But, I’ve also had a few dates where I show up on time and she’s running late and texts me her new ETA. That starts things off on a positive note rather than getting ticked that she’s late to begin with.

As for smartphones, I just saw this and some of it applies to dating:
https://youtu.be/zC21TcRQzKs

By: Lacy Walker

Lacy Walker — Thu, 21 Jun 2018 20:58:35 +0000

I was stood up for the first time two weeks ago by a man I met on Zoosk and it is definitely an embarrassing feeling. It was just a coffee date but we had already messaged a bit and spoken on the phone. Because of a work commitment he pushed back our original meeting 3 days and I was flexible and agreed. He went on and on about wishing he was meeting me instead of having to work and that he couldn’t wait to see me. When he didn’t show I opened the app and saw he was currently on-line. I messaged and asked if he planned to show and he said he forgot. I guess he goes out with so many women that it’s easy to forget one or I didn’t make the impression on him like he said I did. Either way, it was a crummy feeling.

By: Erika

Erika — Thu, 21 Jun 2018 05:29:56 +0000

In reply to Dr. Gary Salyer. Couldn't agree more re: avoidant attachment, especially if you come to expect this behavior. Thank you for your kind words!

By: Dr. Gary Salyer

Dr. Gary Salyer — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 18:03:50 +0000

Great article, Erika! It’s no wonder that avoidant attachment is on the rise with shenanigans like this! Finding and attracting great love needs integrity from the start. I love the work you do in the world.

By: Erika

Erika — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 17:23:51 +0000

In reply to Steve Kranish. Well, that is sad. Do you think that believing the worst in people, though, is affecting your outcome? I would never assume they won't show until proven otherwise. You have to assume they will. You also have to be sure to confirm. Too many people schedule things and then don't confirm beforehand. Regardless, I'm sorry this happened to you.

By: Steve Kranish

Steve Kranish — Wed, 20 Jun 2018 17:18:03 +0000

I have been stood up for coffee, a date, a weekend away, even a long planned vacation. It has become so common, that it is now my expectation. If an agreed to meeting actually occurs, I am pleasantly surprised. If she cancels or does not show, well, that is what I expected, anyway.
I think the problem is more than not valuing someone else’s time. It is a manifestation of commitment-phobia, where simply meeting to talk over a cup of coffee is too big a commitment.