As a dating coach, I’ve seen firsthand how recognizing warning signs early on can save you from heartache down the road. So, let’s delve into eight actual red flags to make note of when evaluating potential partners.

1. Unreliability: Imagine making plans for a date, only for your date to cancel 20 minutes before without a valid excuse… or fail to show up altogether. If this becomes a recurring pattern (although, I would keep my eyes open if it happens even once), it’s a clear indication that they likely don’t value your time or prioritize your relationship.

• A negative attitude (or blatant meanness) towards other people: While enjoying a night out together, your date criticizes the restaurant staff for minor mistakes or makes disparaging remarks about strangers within earshot. Pay attention to how they treat those around them because it can reveal underlying issues with empathy and respect for others.

• Controlling behavior: How would you feel if your partner insists on knowing your whereabouts at all times, monitors your interactions with friends and family, and becomes visibly upset when you assert your independence? These controlling tendencies, whether they stem from jealousy or something else, can escalate over time and lead to feelings of suffocation and resentment within the relationship. You’re allowed to have your own friends and your own life. In fact, it’s essential to maintaining a healthy balance.

• Refusal to compromise: Despite your efforts to find common ground and make decisions together, whether it’s as simple as what to order on a menu or as large as how you do your work, this person dismisses your preferences and insists on having their own way. Healthy relationships, romantic or otherwise, thrive on respect and compromise, so be wary of partners who refuse to meet you halfway.

• Inconsistent Treatment: Your partner showers you with affection and attention one moment, only to withdraw and become distant without explanation. Some might call it breadcrumbing. Whatever it is, it’s confusing and unsustainable. Their inconsistent behavior leaves you feeling confused and unsure of where you stand in the relationship. You shouldn’t have to live like that, wondering which version of this person you’re going to get on any given day.

• Avoidance of accountability: Essentially, can they acknowledge your point of view and apologize if necessary? When conflicts arise, do they deflect blame onto others or refuse to take responsibility for their actions? Of course, it’s never their fault! Instead of addressing issues head-on, they make excuses or shift the focus away from their behavior, making it hard to resolve conflicts and build trust.

• Disregard for boundaries: You express discomfort with certain behaviors, but someone continues to push your limits without consent. Whether it’s crossing physical, emotional, or personal boundaries, this lack of respect can erode trust and lead to feelings of resentment.

• Intense early attachment: Call it “love bombing” if you like, but someone declares their love for you early in the relationship, through actions or words, and talks about a future together before you’ve had the chance to truly get to know each other as individuals. Feeling infatuated in the early stages of dating might seem normal, but be aware of partners who rush into commitment without allowing the relationship to develop organically. Some people call this “future faking” also.

Noticing and addressing these dating red flags is essential for protecting your emotional well-being and ensuring a healthy, fulfilling relationship. Notice I didn’t say “looking for red flags”—big difference. Trust your instincts, communicate openly with your partner, and don’t hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or a trusted professional if you have concerns about your relationship. Remember, you deserve to be with someone who respects and values you for who you are.

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To avoid ghosting, stalls in conversation, and some of the other pitfalls, I’ve created these templates/scripts for common situations we’ve all come across. They work because they hold the other person accountable while pushing the relationship forward — or make it very clear that it’s time to move on.

The line: “Thanks so much for a nice time [the other night]. Unfortunately, I just didn’t feel the connection I’m looking for, but I wish you nothing but the best!”

When to use: After a first date where the other person asks you out again, but you don’t want to go.

No one likes to be ghosted (when someone ignores or drops off from the other person without any explanation), so it’s always best to be straightforward when you didn’t feel a connection and have no intention of seeing someone again. This template lets the other person know where you stand while still being kind and allows them to feel open to pursue other options. Be aware that some people don’t always take the news well. Still, it’s better than leaving someone wondering, “Are we going to see each other again?”

The line: “I just wanted to check back in and see if you still wanted to connect.”

When to use: After you’ve had a solid back-and-forth conversation on the app but the other person drops off.

There’s nothing more frustrating than a conversation seemingly going well only for the other person to disappear into thin air. This template allows you to follow up with the person without appearing overly eager, disappointed, or frustrated. After all, life happens — maybe the person had a busy work week or personal matters to attend to, meaning dating apps took a temporary backseat. This message can reopen the conversation. However, if they still don’t respond, you have your signal to move on.

The line: “Hey! I really enjoyed chatting with you, but I can’t tell from our messages if you’re looking to meet (again). Let me know your thoughts.”

When to use: After a first date when you would like to see the other person again, but the other person continues to text as if interested with no indication of meeting again.

It’s a common annoyance for people using dating sites: they want a relationship, not a pen pal. With this line, you’re putting the ball in their court: would you like to go on another date or not? The right connection should be excited to see you again — and make time in their schedule to do so.

The line: “It’s been good. I’ve met some interesting people! Just looking for the right connection.”

When to use: When someone asks, “How’s this app treating you?” or “How’s online dating going for you?”

It’s a common question during the early stages of messaging (though I wish it weren’t), but don’t use it as an invitation to complain about the bad first dates or the people who clearly were using pictures from 10 years ago on their profiles. For now, keep it positive. This message answers the question while looking ahead by clearly stating what you’re hoping to get out of the experience. Hopefully, the other person is looking for the same.

The line: “It’s a date.”

When to use: Once you’ve finalized the date, time, and location of your meeting.

It’s short, simple, sweet, and puts a nice punctuation mark on your conversation about meeting in person. “It’s a date” also reiterates your goal: a first date where you get to know each other better and see if there’s a connection. I also recommend messaging or texting the day before/the morning of the date to confirm that you’re still on and exchanging phone numbers in case plans suddenly change.

It’s not always easy to communicate in the digital world, and all of us have misunderstood the tone behind a text or read an email without a hint of sarcasm where it was intended by the sender. That’s why these messages are helpful — they’re direct to help you get the answers you need without becoming aggressive or possessive. Having these lines in your back pocket will come in handy, saving you the stress of composing the perfect message and moving the relationship where it needs to go… even if that place is nowhere. It’s better to know, right?

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What you write in your online dating profile requires careful thought — after all, it’s giving the reader (a potential match) the first impression of who you are and what you’re all about. But photos require an equal amount of attention, if not more.

People often have short attention spans on dating apps and websites. If it’s not immediately apparent who they’re looking at and deciding whether to talk to, they’ll likely move on to the next option. That’s why picking photos is so important — just one game of “Which person in the photo is it?” or apparent filter and they might give up.

Read on for five photos that should stay on your camera roll but off your dating profile:

1. Group Shots

I’ve heard people say that they use group shots in their profiles because they think it makes them look social. However, it quickly becomes a “Who am I looking at?” scenario, which can be frustrating. Even if someone finds you, group photos leave you open to comparisons — or, in the worst case, “Is your friend single?” Your dating profile is all about you, not your friends, so keep it focused on solo snaps.

2. Bathroom and Mirror Selfies

I get it — you just got your hair done, you’re feeling great, and the lighting is perfect. But no matter how good you look, there’s nothing that dampens the mood like a toilet in the background of a photo. (Nobody wants to think about that.) Mirror and bathroom selfies look immature and can be taken as vanity. And please, I’m begging you, no gym mirror selfies with your shirt off.

3. Snaps with Pets that Aren’t Yours

So your friend has an adorable Golden Retriever? That’s great. But if Fluffy isn’t yours, he shouldn’t be in your profile. It can be confusing when you have pictures with a dog and your profile reads “no pets.” Plus, it can stop a conversation in its tracks. When someone messages you with a question about the pet, then you share that it’s not yours, they might feel like they don’t know where to take the conversation since they thought they found something you have in common. But a selfie with a giraffe? Definitely profile-worthy.

4. Filtered or Heavily Edited Photos

Rule of thumb: your photos should look like you. Filters or edited pictures may get you more attention, but at the end of the day, they just lead to an uncomfortable first meeting when someone leaves feeling deceived. That also means anything that obstructs your face — sunglasses, masks, and hats, for example — should only make an appearance or two in your photos rather than all of them. Don’t hide yourself, either behind a filter or a hat.

5. Photos with Children

While you should definitely be truthful in your profile about having children, I wouldn’t recommend including them in your photos — it’s best to keep their images private. Furthermore, don’t include photographs of kids that aren’t yours, even if they’re family. In addition to sending mixed messages, I’m going to guess their parents won’t be thrilled to find their likeness on a dating app.

Like it or not, people are looking at your photos when deciding if they should connect online. I recommend that your first photo to be a clear profile shot of you smiling. You should also include a full-body photo as well as some pictures that show your interests — traveling, cooking, hiking, dancing — which make great conversation starters, or “message bait.”

At the end of the day, your photos are an extension of your profile, showing who you are and what you like to do. People want to know who they’re talking to, and anything that gets in the way of that might result in a left swipe.

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They continued messaging each other, trying to find out a time to get together again — but had trouble finding a day that worked for both of them. When they finally agreed on meeting the next day, she suggested playing mini golf, to which he asked to do something less active since he had a hectic day and another busy one tomorrow. When she responded by asking for a good location for him to meet, she was surprised when he replied by saying that their time had passed and wished her luck.

“I can’t help but feel like he took his bad day out on me,” she said. “I am curious what changed in such a short window.”

Here’s what I told her: “I understand your frustration, but casual to him meant easy, and when the planning became more complicated, he decided it wasn’t worth it to him.”

I added that this might have been a blessing in disguise. While she wanted a long-term relationship, at least ultimately, he made it clear that he couldn’t (or wasn’t willing to) provide that. I told my client that I was glad that he cut things off because she wants more than he can give — even if it does feel confusing and disappointing in the short term.

People often say they want honesty, both in a relationship and before that in the dating stage. But when someone is truthful about what they want, you have little choice but to believe them — and then it’s up to you to decide if that’s what you’re truly looking for. 

The seriousness of a relationship is just one thing that people may not see eye-to-eye about. If a person isn’t willing to travel for dates, then you have to be okay with being the one to make some extra effort to see them. Or not. If someone says they can’t afford certain things, then you have to take that into consideration. The bottom line is this: if someone says they can’t or won’t do something, you can’t expect them to do it.

I believe that dating shouldn’t be a matter of convenience — just because someone is easy to spend time with doesn’t mean they’re worth that time. Back to my client from the beginning: She was clearly putting more effort into the situation, and as soon as things weren’t simple (despite her best efforts to accommodate him), he called it off. While she could have had a nice time with this man for a few months, he made it clear that he wasn’t ready for a full-blown relationship. After a few months of dating, he still might not want to take things to the next level (after all, he did say that). Therefore, the time she continued spending with him — maybe had they lived closer or if their schedules aligned better — she could have instead been with someone looking for the same thing as her (and someone who jumped at the chance to play mini golf!). I know there is someone out there who is ready for a strong relationship and will happily join her at mini golf — and that’s who is worth putting the time and effort into.

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Pro: People are generally happier in the summer.

I know it’s not only me who sometimes struggles with the idea of getting dressed and leaving the house during the coldest months of the year — just bundling up in a winter coat seems like a chore. But when the temperature rises, people want to go out and do things, which includes meeting for dates. Plus, there’s a general sense of ease and excitement brought on by the warm weather, lessened work schedules, and an assortment of activities available.

Con: It’s travel season.

Many people use their vacation time in the summer months — which is great, except for when you’re trying to find a time to meet someone you’ve connected with online. Everyone has a busy schedule, and the warm weather months might make agendas even more packed than usual, even with time off from work. 

Pro: You have more time off.

All those vacation days and summer Fridays might just come in handy. While vacations might make meeting a little tricky sometimes, having a lighter workload — as many do in the summer months — will give your mind the ability to focus a bit more on dating. Even if meeting is difficult, it gives you plenty of time to freshen up your bio, take new photos, and spend some extra time swiping and chatting with potential matches. 

Con: It’s notoriously “fling” season.

The casual nature of summer sometimes spills over into the dating world — there’s a reason “cuffing” season isn’t June through August. Summer flings can be romantic and exciting — but they can also leave you heartbroken when the back-to-school ads take over. The best way to avoid that is to be upfront about your expectations for the relationship, and if that’s a serious one, everyone will be aware off the bat.

Pro: There’s no shortage of date ideas.

While dates are limited in many areas due to weather in the winter months, there are practically no limits to the fun activities you can do in the summer. Meet at a beach bar (or the actual beach, depending on where you live), play a round of mini golf, take the dogs on a walk in the park, spend a date at the amusement park… not to mention all the gatherings with friends and family that are enhanced by a plus-one. And if you want to stay indoors, movies, dinner, and happy hour are still options.

At the end of the day, there is no bad or good time to date based on a calendar — it should be based on you. Are you ready? Do you have the time to explore your dating options? Are you stressed about work or personal matters? Then it may be a good time to take a break from dating apps and give yourself some grace. But if you’re excited to dip your toe into the dating pool (see what I did there?), then go for it. There is no reason to wait until a certain month to find a meaningful relationship.

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“What’s your advice on getting back into the dating pool after a breakup? Is there a certain amount of time one should wait? Or, is it a case of getting back on the horse right after falling off? My heart was broken recently… and my friends are telling me to get back out there and date. My walls have been built back up again and I don’t know if I can date anyone right now. What would you recommend?”

I feel this question. I know this simple statement doesn’t do it justice, but breakups are hard. It doesn’t matter whether you’re the one who initiated it or you’re the recipient of the bad news—it’s never easy. Here’s what I said in response to the question: 

“You know yourself best. If the thought of getting back out there makes your stomach churn, then take a break. It’s important to mourn relationships and not use other people as a Band-Aid to help you get there. Getting over someone can, and will, take time. But I would not rush back out there because other people tell you that’s what you should do. Listen to your body.”

In the end, there is no formula for this. I believe that after every relationship ends, there are two components in order to help get past it: time, and eventually someone else. But that ratio differs for everybody. Sometimes it feels like you should be ready before you are. And sometimes the shorter relationships take longer to get past than the longer ones. It’s not always rational, but that’s okay. 

Instead of focusing on a specific timeline, pay attention to your own emotional readiness. Take the time to assess if you’ve truly moved on from your previous relationship, if you feel comfortable being alone, and if you’re ready to invest in a new partnership. Trust your instincts. It’s important to ensure that you’re entering a new relationship from a place of emotional stability and clarity, not loneliness or as a way to fill a void. 

In my experience with clients—and myself—I would also encourage you to cut off contact, at least for the near future, with your ex. It’s easy to fall back into old patterns or gain false hope of a reconciliation if the lines of communication are still open. As hard as it feels in the moment, using the “block” button on social media or deleting a contact can really help the process along. 

And then, when you start to feel curious about other people again, that’s when it’s time to get out there. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are taking “too long” to get over someone. There is no right or wrong amount of time. Unfortunately, sometimes that advice comes from friends feeling uncomfortable seeing you sad. A relationship is a big part of your life, and you should mourn it as you choose. 

While you’re in the healing process, go back to things that make you happy as a person. Day by day, you’ll start to feel more like yourself. After any relationship of mine ended, I made a point to find a new “thing”—after one breakup, I got into storytelling on stage. After another, it opened me up to moving to a new city I always wanted to try. And one left me with impeccable taste in balsamic vinegar! It’s okay to take the best from each relationship and then build new parts of yourself around it. We are always growing and evolving, even in the sadness. 

Lastly, remember that it’s not only okay but it’s encouraged to focus on your own growth, enjoy your own company, and when the time is right, embrace the opportunity to create a new and fulfilling romantic chapter in your life. 

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Psychologists Martin Seligman and Gregory McClell Buchanan have studied how people explain the events that take place in their lives. How might we explain the man who was rude to us on the bus? Or the results of the beauty pageant we answered? Or the date that ended in awkward silence and a rushed goodbye? We might gather input from past events, our knowledge of the people involved, or we might ask friends and family members to explain events, too. But when it comes down to it, Seligman and Buchanan developed three parameters in which we explain certain events. Together, these parameters make up our “explanatory styles,” which determine the way we reflect on failure, success, and the occasional awkward date. 

(Interested in reading more about this? The books Learned Optimism and Explanatory Style are two great places to start!) 

Based on the parameters Seligman and Buchanan have developed, we make assumptions about what the next event, i.e. date, will look like. You know what they say about assuming, right? So let’s take a look at Seligman and Buchanan’s explanatory styles. You may find that shifting your perspective makes your next date a lot more exciting. 

Stable vs. Unstable (Permanence) 

Let’s say you go on a date and it ends poorly. You text friends, who aren’t very encouraging. They say things like, “dating sucks.” “Dating is never fun.” “Men will always be immature.” You’re not going to look forward to the next date if you’re always going to run into bad dates!

We can see an event as stable, meaning that it’s permanent. Or, we can see an event as unstable, which means it’s temporary. People who believe that situations are stable may have a fixed mindset, in which growth is limited and things rarely change. 

No one wants to go on a date they know is going to be bad. And truthfully? The only way you can be sure that a date will be bad is if you have a time machine. Your dating life can change as you grow and learn about yourself. Your dating life can change because you start dating men, or you start dating women, or you start dating both! There are a million different ways to approach dating and change how you go on dates. So really, is the status of your dating life ever permanent?

Global vs. Local (Pervasive)

Let’s say you go on a date with a person who is interested in video games. They’re slow to text back, not great at communicating before your date, and spend the evening talking only about video games. How do you explain this dud of a date? Do all people who play video games only have interest in this hobby, or is this one person’s inability to take their mind off their Xbox? 

We can see an event as global, or applicable across the globe. Or, we can see it as local, something that only takes place in one location, one area of your life, or on one date with one person. People with a global perspective of failure may get rejected from a person and believe that all people will reject them. 

This explanatory style can lead people to make fascinating, puzzling, and downright disturbing assumptions about people they go on dates with and those who share something in common with them. I’ve heard it all. All potential matches named Matt are destined to be liars and cheaters. All women over a size six don’t take care of themselves. All African-American men grew up in a certain culture, and the cultural differences make them less attractive. I know these statements are hard to read, but they are all things I’ve heard from individual clients. Does this mean all of my clients have prejudices, unfair biases, or should switch up their explanation style? No, it doesn’t. Every one of the eight billion people on this planet are unique. We all make different choices, live different lifestyles, and see the world differently. If we can attribute one or two bad dates to individuals, rather than an entire population, suddenly the dating pool becomes more exciting. 

Internal vs. External (Personal) 

Let’s say you are excited to go on a date, but on the way, you encounter bad traffic. Then, the doorman at the bar gives you a hard time about your license picture. You realize that there is gum stuck to your shoe and you forgot your umbrella, which is a shame because it’s pouring outside. Are you still going to be excited for your date? 

We can attribute a person’s behavior on a date to internal factors, like their disposition and character. Or, we can attribute a person’s behavior on a date to external factors, like the weather or the time of day or an infinite number of other events that play into getting ready for a date. We can also look internally for the cause of a bad date (i.e. we did something wrong on the date; there is something wrong with us). Or, we can look externally. 

Depending on how you view a bad date, you could walk away feeling terrible about yourself, terrible about the other person, or terrible about the conditions that made what could have been a great date, a bad one. You can see a pattern here. How you think about your bad date is all in how you explain it to yourself. 

At the end of the day, we might not know everything that caused a bad date. What we do know is that we have control over how we approach dating in the future. The next time you find yourself driving home from a bad date, reflect on the different explanatory styles. What are the different ways you can explain a bad date? And as you look at these different styles, think about how these explanations make you feel more or less optimistic about future dates. Optimists see events as having unstable, local, and external causes. Pessimists see events as having stable, global, and internal causes. 

Come back to this article after you reflect on your next date. Are you feeling more hopeful, open to opportunity, and optimistic? That means you’re on the right track. 

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This guy clearly hadn’t looked at his own profile in a while, and that was to the detriment of everyone.  

There are a few reasons why keeping your profile up to date is important. First, outdated references can make for awkward moments. What if this was the scenario above instead? You see someone talk about their dog and you’re also a big pet lover, so you send a message asking specifically about the pup… only to hear that the dog died months ago. I can’t think of a worse start to a conversation. Or that it was a neighbor’s dog… from your apartment building five years ago. 

As another example, seeing an outdated COVID reference (bragging about your ability to procure a roll of toilet paper, for example) — or even a movie that came out six years ago — can make the person reading the bio wonder if there’s even a person on the other side of the screen. If they’re not updating their profile, maybe they’re not checking the account at all? And if they’re not checking their account, is there even a point in sending a message? Who knows what you could both be missing when that happens?

Every three to six months, give your profile a quick read and refresh. Take out references to holidays that have passed (it seems random to bring up your New Year’s resolutions in July), trips you had planned, or any other obsolete information. Replace it with something new — the bucket list vacation you did, the cooking class you completed, the cat you recently adopted, or the book club you just joined — to make sure that the person reading your profile is getting to know the you from today rather than five years ago.

In addition to updating your bio, also take a look at your photos. Does it still look like you, or did your appearance shift? Maybe you got a major hair makeover or your body changed? Again, your profile should sound like — and look like — you today. So if you’ve shaved a beard or dyed your hair blonde in recent months, your photos should reflect that. Your profile deserves frequent updates to keep it in top shape — and increase your chances of getting messages that turn into dates.

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However, finding love might be worth investing in a premium service. According to a new study by Pew Research, those who have paid to use dating sites or apps report more positive experiences than those who have never paid. Roughly 6-in-10 paid users (58%) report positive experiences with dating sites or apps compared to only half of the users who have never paid for a service.

The report adds that 35% of Americans who have ever used a dating app have paid for one at some point, which includes those who have paid for extra features on a platform they already were using. This share is greater among online dating users with upper incomes (45%) than for those with middle (36%) or lower incomes (28%).

No two people’s experiences with online dating are the same, but there are some plus sides to springing for a paid website or app. Perhaps the biggest and most obvious pro is that paying for a dating platform often rules out matches who aren’t serious about finding a committed relationship. While plenty of people use free apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge more for amusement than actually going in with the intention of finding a connection (which I would not recommend, of course!), that tends not to happen quote as much when you’re putting in the money along with the effort. 

Some free apps offer a premium service at a cost, which allows paid users perks like more time to message someone, unlimited swipes, the ability to see who liked you, or getting more information such as when a person was last active on the app. All of these elements could give you that extra chance of forging a connection or simply putting yourself on more people’s radars. 

In other cases, you’re paying for the ability to filter out people who won’t be a match, which can save you valuable time in your search efforts. For example, if you definitely want children, there’s no point scrolling through hundreds of people who know they don’t.

Others may choose to invest their money in a different way. Instead of paying for an online dating platform, you can get coaching from an expert to help you in the specific areas where you’re struggling, whether that’s navigating the transition from texting to an in-person date or giving your profile a complete makeover. 

If you can’t fit a paid dating platform into your budget, don’t fret — plenty of people are finding love on free apps and websites every day… and there are a ton of options to choose from. It’s also important to remember that entering your credit card number doesn’t automatically mean the love of your life will manifest before your eyes. Online dating — paid or free — requires efforts on your part, from updating your profile with recent photos to spending time writing your bio to crafting an interesting opening message to send a potential match. In this case, effort will always outweigh the number in your bank account. 

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More often than I wish to see (which is ever), profiles are filled with what a person is not looking for in a partner, what they don’t like to do, or what they won’t tolerate in a relationship. If I asked the authors of these bios what they are trying to achieve with these statements, they might argue that they are trying to rule out anyone who doesn’t align with their values or interests. While they think they are saving time by being frank about their beliefs, they’re actually cutting out not just those who don’t perfectly match with them but also those who might… but are left with a bad taste in their mouth by the profile’s pessimism. 

Instead of focusing on the “don’ts,” “can’ts,” and “won’ts” in your profile, it’s best to turn those into positive statements. Need some examples? 

Negative: “I do not want a relationship with someone who has different religious beliefs/political views than mine.”

Positive: “My religious beliefs/political views are important to me, and I would like to share that part of my life with a partner.”

No one is saying that you have to amend your religious beliefs or political views while seeking out a partner. However, there are many couples who don’t align 100% on these issues yet have a happy, fulfilling relationship. Moreover, stating in a hostile way that you are not open to anyone who has different thoughts on these subjects makes you sound close-minded, which may push away even those who do share your beliefs. It’s better to state that these are important values to you, which may be appealing to someone who feels the same without seeming gloomy.

Negative: “I won’t tolerate a relationship with someone who spends hours in front of the TV every day.”

Positive: “I like to spend my free time outdoors as much as possible — hiking, walking my dog, or just sitting on a park bench in the fresh air.”

Maybe you’re not a big TV show and movie person (just like some people aren’t foodies, others aren’t into having pets, and there are those who don’t enjoy extensive travel). Instead of focusing on what you don’t like to do, talk about the hobbies and interests you do have. That way, you’ll have a much better chance of attracting people who share your enjoyment of those activities while keeping your profile optimistic.

Negative: “I can’t deal with someone with a lot of baggage.”

Positive: “I understand we all have a past, but I want to focus on the future.”

The “no drama” or “no baggage” people crack me up because we all have exes, past relationships, family matters… the list goes on. (Do people really think that someone signs up for a dating app without any history?) Since most people are not looking to bring turmoil into their life, they want things to be easy — which is something successful relationships are decidedly not. Instead of pretending that there’s someone out there without their own past, it’s best to acknowledge that you’re looking to build a bright, new chapter with someone special.  

I would encourage you to read your own dating profiles and look for any “cons” that can you turn into “pros.” They’ll give your bio an instant makeover that is lighter, more pleasant, and inviting — resulting in more interest. While it’s tempting to try and “rule out” people who you know aren’t your type, you may be unintentionally rebuffing the perfect match too.

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