I’d like a large pie with extra cheese, mushrooms, sausage, and broccoli.
But make sure the cheese is covering the whole pizza because I don’t like baldness, and actually, why don’t you hold the sausage? I’d like someone who doesn’t eat processed meat. And while you’re there, make sure those mushrooms are well-educated, like maybe with a master’s or PhD. And as for the broccoli, can you make sure it’s a certain height because I only want it if it’s tall. Could I get that to go? Thanks.

Someone recently told me that online dating was like ordering a pizza. At first I laughed at that analogy, then I cringed, and then I realized that he was right. We are all looking for that on-paper perfect mate. And since online dating sites give so much choice in the matter, we think it’s our right to have everything we’re looking for. Now, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with wanting certain things – I did – but what if someone out there looks good but doesn’t necessarily fit all of those objective criteria. What’s a single to do? I’d venture to say – try ‘em out anyway.

When we walk into a bar and see someone we like, that guy or girl doesn’t have a chart attached to his or her forehead full of credentials, stats, and dislikes. (Wouldn’t that be a pretty funny sight?!) We trust our instincts; we go with chemistry. But online, we have so much information that it’s almost too easy to discard someone simply because he is only 5’5 or she has a fondness for US Weekly rather than the latest issue of The Economist. (I’m not saying I know anyone like that. ;))

I was chatting with someone recently who met her boyfriend at a climbing wall. They had known each other for a while, and ironically enough, when they eventually started dating, he came up as one of her matches on OkCupid that week. She looked at his profile and said, “I would have never gone out with him after reading this.” I guess she thought she was in the mood for a pizza with the works, but in reality, what she wanted was much simpler – plain cheese.

So, go ahead, order whatever you want for dinner tonight, but when it comes to dating, there’s no check-box order to place. Give people the benefit of the doubt because in the end after meeting in person, chemistry may trump all to give you the slice of your life.

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Got burning questions you’d like answered in a future blog post? E-mail date411@alittlenudge.com

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May 4, 2011

The title of this blog is actually directly from a voicemail I got from my dad a few years ago when he thought I was being too picky about guys. I once told my parents that I didn’t care for bald men. Oy – that was a mistake. (My dad, as were both grandpas, is bald.)

My dad rarely gives me love advice, but one day, I was going through my voicemails, and I came across this one from my dad, “Hi Eri. I love you. Don’t forget that all men go bald, ok? And you know what else? All men have earwax.” Then something to the effect of, “So, go out with them.” Keep in mind that my dad jokes around a lot, so he was of course just being silly about the earwax part, but maybe what he was saying actually had some truth to it. Was he right? If you like someone, you may be able to overlook things that you would normally not go for, like baldness, back hair, whatever. I remember I once met a guy (at jury duty, of all places) who I really liked for his effervescent personality, and because of that, I actually thought his bald spot was kind of cute. But then I thought to myself, would I have given him a chance if I met him online? Maybe not.

Along the lines of my first post, this actually taught me to be more open upfront. Jeremy and I sometimes joke that I’d give anyone a chance, which is why I went on so many dates, and he was more selective before agreeing to go on a date, which is why I was only his only fourth Jdate ever. (Lucky me – I made the cut!)

We are very good (women especially, but men too) about speculating about a person or ruling them out based on one small thing – I don’t like blondes, he picked a lame spot for our date, he has a tattoo, she gets flowers painted on her fingernails (yes, I do this often), he wore an ugly shirt – but who cares? Do bars and ugly shirts and nail polish matter in life? Nope. Is this person nice, genuine, thoughtful? Those are the things that matter. You might go out on many more bad dates by being more open, but it makes the pool of potentials that much bigger.

On a related note, we often talk ourselves out of things because of one little hang-up. He works here, so he must be a certain way, so I won’t like him, so I won’t e-mail him. Sound familiar? I did mortgage research before starting A Little Nudge. Someone could have easily ruled me out because I *must* be a bore, but if you know me at all, I’m about as far from boring as they come! (I know – modest too.)

I sometimes relate it to a job search. About a year and a half ago, I found a job that I wanted to apply for in California. (I had considered moving at one point.) At any rate, I almost didn’t apply because of the risk that I’d have to turn it down if I ultimately wanted to stay in D.C. But then I thought to myself – why not get the opportunity to turn it down? So, I applied. I didn’t get it anyway, but I was glad I gave myself the chance. Same thing with the online dating game… it’s good to give yourself the chance to turn something down if, in the end, it’s not what you want. But you might as well open more doors at the outset even if you see some obstacles… because hiding behind them may be a great person worth giving a shot.

So, try to forget for a minute if he’s bald… or has earwax. Thanks, Dad.

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