May 4, 2011

The title of this blog is actually directly from a voicemail I got from my dad a few years ago when he thought I was being too picky about guys. I once told my parents that I didn’t care for bald men. Oy – that was a mistake. (My dad, as were both grandpas, is bald.)

My dad rarely gives me love advice, but one day, I was going through my voicemails, and I came across this one from my dad, “Hi Eri. I love you. Don’t forget that all men go bald, ok? And you know what else? All men have earwax.” Then something to the effect of, “So, go out with them.” Keep in mind that my dad jokes around a lot, so he was of course just being silly about the earwax part, but maybe what he was saying actually had some truth to it. Was he right? If you like someone, you may be able to overlook things that you would normally not go for, like baldness, back hair, whatever. I remember I once met a guy (at jury duty, of all places) who I really liked for his effervescent personality, and because of that, I actually thought his bald spot was kind of cute. But then I thought to myself, would I have given him a chance if I met him online? Maybe not.

Along the lines of my first post, this actually taught me to be more open upfront. Jeremy and I sometimes joke that I’d give anyone a chance, which is why I went on so many dates, and he was more selective before agreeing to go on a date, which is why I was only his only fourth Jdate ever. (Lucky me – I made the cut!)

We are very good (women especially, but men too) about speculating about a person or ruling them out based on one small thing – I don’t like blondes, he picked a lame spot for our date, he has a tattoo, she gets flowers painted on her fingernails (yes, I do this often), he wore an ugly shirt – but who cares? Do bars and ugly shirts and nail polish matter in life? Nope. Is this person nice, genuine, thoughtful? Those are the things that matter. You might go out on many more bad dates by being more open, but it makes the pool of potentials that much bigger.

On a related note, we often talk ourselves out of things because of one little hang-up. He works here, so he must be a certain way, so I won’t like him, so I won’t e-mail him. Sound familiar? I did mortgage research before starting A Little Nudge. Someone could have easily ruled me out because I *must* be a bore, but if you know me at all, I’m about as far from boring as they come! (I know – modest too.)

I sometimes relate it to a job search. About a year and a half ago, I found a job that I wanted to apply for in California. (I had considered moving at one point.) At any rate, I almost didn’t apply because of the risk that I’d have to turn it down if I ultimately wanted to stay in D.C. But then I thought to myself – why not get the opportunity to turn it down? So, I applied. I didn’t get it anyway, but I was glad I gave myself the chance. Same thing with the online dating game… it’s good to give yourself the chance to turn something down if, in the end, it’s not what you want. But you might as well open more doors at the outset even if you see some obstacles… because hiding behind them may be a great person worth giving a shot.

So, try to forget for a minute if he’s bald… or has earwax. Thanks, Dad.

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March 30, 2011

I have been on some bad dates, some less “bad” than others, of course.  Back in 2005, I went on a first date to a Mexican restaurant in D.C. for dinner. (To come in a later blog post – why drinks are a better first date than dinner.) At any rate, my date was, how shall I put this… B-O-R-I-N-G.  I consider myself a fun, spunky person who can talk to just about anyone about just about anything.  But there were silences, and awkward ones at that.  As I chomped away on my fajitas, I was planning in my head what I would say for the next at least half an hour.  Finally, the date came to a close.  I thought to myself, “Nice enough guy, but that’s it.”

The next day, in usual Erika-style, I still sent my generic “thank you” e-mail.  He did pay for my meal, after all.  And he wrote back a few niceties about how he had a good time.  I figured this would be the end of our communication.  But then, lo and behold, he wrote something funny at the end of his e-mail, and I thought to myself, “Hmm… this guy wasn’t funny at all on our date.  Interesting.”  And so, the e-mails continued, and they became wittier as the hours passed.  And then they got pretty darn cute.  Until he asked me out again.  What was a girl to do?  While I didn’t have a good time on the date, this guy seemed interested, I knew he could at least communicate in written form, and well, I was free the night he asked.  Oh, and I love baseball.  (He asked me to go to a Nationals game with himself and some friends.)  Why not?

The day of the second date rolled around, and I remember sitting at my apartment complex’s pool studying for the GMAT with a friend.  I kept telling her that I was not looking forward to this date.  So, the hours passed before the date.  I finally decided to get ready, and off I went… We met in the metro, and he wasn’t as bad as I remembered.  In fact, he was kind of cute.  When we got to the game, his friends were really friendly and inclusive of me.  Two points.  And then… against all odds… this guy was funny!  It was as if I was on a date with someone else.  We had a great night and even went out for drinks after the game.  I liked this guy.

I found out many months later that he was nervous – very nervous – on the first date.  We ended up dating for a year and a half.  While he wasn’t the right guy for me in the end, I was so glad I went out on the second date, hence the Rule of Two.  Many people get nervous, or as I used to affectionately call myself on dates where I was trying to impress someone, “Weird Erika.”

The moral?  Unless someone spits on you, picks his or her nose, or offends you in some unforgivable way, go on the second date.  You never know what comes after the first unless you try.

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