In some ways, it feels like 2021 flew right by, and in others, it feels like it was the never-ending continuation of 2020. Let’s hope that 2022 brings more health and happiness to much of the world.

In the meantime, I’d like to share some words of wisdom for dating in 2022:

1. Texting is the death of the first date.

When you are conversing with someone on a dating app and that person asks to switch over to direct texting on your phone instead (by giving or asking for a phone number), there is a 60% chance that the date will no longer happen. (While not statistically significant, this is based on evidence from my clients’ experiences over the last 10+ years.) Why is this? Because someone drops the ball and doesn’t text, the plans don’t get finalized, someone texts something inappropriate, it turns into a pen pal relationship… the list goes on. Make your plans for the first date directly within the dating app. Once the date is scheduled, feel free to exchange numbers just for contingencies by saying, “In case you need to reach me tomorrow, my number is ___.” Your conversation-to-date conversion rate will be much higher. 

2. You get what you allow.

If someone is treating you in a way you don’t like but you accept it, then that is the treatment you will get. For example, let’s say you prefer phone calls, but the person you’re dating only texts you. If you don’t tell the other person your preferences and simply reply to all of the texts, then that is what you get. You should never be shy to ask for what you need, which leads to the next point…

3. Telling someone what you need is not needy.

I hear all the time, primarily from women, that they are afraid to express their needs and expectations to their—often new—partner. That fear is mainly because they don’t want to hear an answer they don’t like. Assuming what you’re asking isn’t unreasonable, then it’s up to the other person to decide whether to do that or not. If they can, great. If they can’t, then it is up to you to decide how important it is to you.

4. You can always add dinner, but you can’t take it back.

Go on a first date for a drink, coffee, or a walk. Then, if you’re having a good time, you can stay longer and get food. If you arrange for dinner and can’t stand each other (no one hopes for this, but it happens), you are stuck at dinner. Wine bars are great—they usually have a good food menu.

5. If you don’t know, ask.

I get questions all the time about what something means that someone said. The reality of it is that I can make an educated guess, but in the end, only the person who said it knows. If you’re not sure what something meant, ask the person who said it.

6. No one is a mind reader.

You want something from your partner. You are not getting that something. Your partner does not know you want it unless you explicitly say it. No hinting. No beating around the bush. Use direct language.

7. Everything short of finding “your person” is not a failure.

We learn a lot about ourselves and other people in the dating process. This is necessary. Some relationships work and some don’t. And many work until they don’t. But the ones that don’t are not failures, and neither are you. It wasn’t a “failed marriage” or a “failed relationship.” Hopefully it was a positive experience (for at least some period) that couldn’t withstand the test of time. Each date or relationship is a learning experience that gets us one step closer to the one that lasts.

Even if we all implement one of the seven tips above, then 2022 should be a more productive year for dating.

The post Words of Wisdom for Dating in 2022 appeared first on .

Every year, I host a big Passover Seder, and this year it happened to be just a couple weeks ago, on March 30th. If you’re not familiar, Passover is the Jewish holiday that celebrates (with lots of wine—four glasses to be exact) the liberation of the Israelites from Egyptian slavery. In other words, when Moses parts the Red Sea, we drink. When the 10 plagues are put upon the Egyptians, we drink. When it’s finally time to eat the “festive meal” after all of those prayers, we definitely drink.

This year, I had 14 people over to my home to celebrate the holiday. And every year, I make a brisket. I can usually find the right cut of meat at my local grocery store just a couple blocks away, but sometimes I have to trek to a suburb of DC or a different grocery store chain to find the brisket that will feed the whole table. (Rule of thumb = half a pound per person) Last year, I got the brisket at Safeway, and it came out beautifully. It was perfectly tender, coming apart with just the use of a fork. This year, I thought I might have to venture out as I’ve done before. Let’s say the brisket came out a bit tough. Maybe my guests needed a fork and knife (oy!) just to cut the meat into bite-sized pieces. If any of this had come true, though, then my guests would have looked to me to see what happened. They wouldn’t have asked where I bought the meat because it would be fairly obvious that the meal didn’t come together because of something I did, or didn’t, do in the cooking process.

When it comes to brisket, it doesn’t really matter where I bought the meat—the difference was that the meal did, or didn’t, work in the end. So, why is it that so many people place such weight on where a couple met? We hear things like this all the time:

• She met her husband on Match.com, so it must work!
• He got stalked by someone on Tinder, so I’ll never try that app. It’s too scary!
• I got stood up by a guy on OkCupid, so I think I’ll delete my profile from that site tonight.

It’s amazing how much people attribute the quality of a relationship, or a person, to how the couple met. Yes, it’s wonderful when two people meet online. But, did their relationship work out because they used Match.com? Of course not! It worked out because the two people are compatible, are able to work out their issues, and know how to communicate. The same goes for relationships that don’t work out. If you met someone at church, dated for six months, and then decided to part ways, then would you assume that church is a terrible place to meet a compatible partner? Of course not.

Each story is just that—a story. For every love story, there’s a ‘meh’ story. For every Match.com couple, there’s a co-workers couple. And for every OkCupid breakup, there’s a potluck dinner breakup. None of these stories has anything to do with the venue in which the couple met—it has to do with the couple.

So, let’s stop lingering on or making assumptions about how people met now that we know how little relevance it has. Let’s instead find out what they love about each other, how they overcome their differences, and what they enjoy doing together on the weekends. How they met is only one data point. Each day in the relationship, however, provides the necessary context for knowing what works and what doesn’t in the relationship. And that has nothing to do with how the couple met.

And, for what it’s worth, I found an 8.1-pound brisket at my local Safeway, and it came out perfectly!

The post It Doesn’t Matter How You Met appeared first on .

Ten years ago, my job didn’t exist.  There weren’t ads for it.  They didn’t teach it in school.  And had you told me that this would be my profession after graduating college with a degree in economics, I would have laughed in your face.  (And I have a loud laugh!  If you read my book, you know that I was once “recognized” across the room by someone who worked at a furniture store I had just been to.)

I’m a dating coach.

As we all know, dating is a hot topic these days.  Between the rise of IAC, specifically OkCupid and Tinder, and its impending IPO for its dating division, Aziz Ansuri’s book “Modern Romance,” which I’m thoroughly enjoying, and Patti Stanger as The Millionaire Matchmaker (she’s leaving Bravo… time for me to step in??), it seems like everyone and their mother is talking about—and practicing—dating.

This leads to my main topic: technology and its impact on the dating world.  Now, I’m in my 30s, so when I was in college, I didn’t even have a cell phone.  (Well, technically I did—this huge blue box that I lugged around—but I didn’t dare let anyone know I had it!)  College kids today are meeting for study groups, hook-ups, and friendship using Tinder on their brand-spankin’ new iPhones that are nicer than the “lame” 5c I still own with its cracked screen and always-full memory.

I’m certainly not one to dispute that technology is a good thing.  I love (well, mostly love) that I have my email at my fingertips at all times.  I think it’s pretty amazing that I can sign up for all of my gym classes with the click of a button on an app.  I’m still in awe that I once programmed my DVR from my laptop as I was sitting 35,000 feet in the air.  (I know—it’s AMAZING, Louis CK.)  I’m a fan.

Here’s what I’m not a fan of: People looking at their phones all day long so that they don’t even know how to carry on a conversation anymore; A world where I’m not sure if second graders are even learning their times tables since it’s so easy to check the answer with one click… or one ask of your friend and mine, Siri; A place where, in a meeting, someone checks his watch to see that his girlfriend texted him that she’s going to be late for their dinner plans tonight.

When I started my business over four years ago, I was the biggest, baddest fan of technology… specifically online dating.  I thought, and still think, that it’s an incredible way to meet people.  It’s a medium that gives you access to so many eligible people.  Wow—sign me up.

Also when I started, there was no such thing as a dating app.  Yes, perhaps the already existing sites had apps to make it easier for users to log in (and OkCupid had a fun/crazy experiment called Crazy Blind Date that got the kibosh quicker than you could schedule said crazy blind date), but there was no such thing as Tinder, Hinge, Grindr, Coffee Meets Bagel, JSwipe, Happn, The League, Bumble… Shall I go on?

It’s so easy now to get a date.  Wasn’t that the hard part a mere 10 years ago?  Is it too easy to get a date?  For some, it is.  It’s so easy that, rather than actually taking the time to get to know someone, it’s more important to have the next date lined up, like a taxi line of attractive women just waiting to be swept off their feet… or more like taken out for a drink that may or may not be paid for.  Clients of mine even get anxious sometimes when they don’t have the next date lined up, even if they already have three on the calendar.

I still love online dating, of course, and I’ve had countless clients meet significant others, whether for long-term or short-term relationships, depending on their goals.  But, like the paradox of choice, is too much choice necessarily a good thing?  If you are looking for a man, say, who is tall, dark, and handsome (cliché, I know), if you instead find a man who is tall(ish), dark(ish), and handsome(ish) but treats you like a queen or king and makes you feel like you won the lottery every day, you’d still be looking for next cab with its light on.

Am I saying not to use technology to get dates?  Of course not.  But what I am saying is that everything has its merits… to a point.  Chocolate is wonderful until you drink the entire bottle of Hershey’s syrup and get a sugar headache for three days.  (I’m not saying I know anyone who’s ever done this…)  A workout routine is so important until you strain your hamstring from overuse.  And technology is great until you miss that amazing connection in pursuit of something better, better, better.

So, use technology to find a date.  Go crazy!  And then stop.  Remind yourself that people are people, and they deserve a real chance.  The next cab may stink like smoke or have a careless driver or be headed in a different direction than you want to go.  You can keep taking rides for the rest of your life, or you can take each ride one at a time, one date at a time, one click at a time, and one swipe at a time.

To see a recent interview on “The New Age of Dating” on News Channel 8, click here.

The post How Technology is Both Saving and Ruining the World… One Date at a Time appeared first on .