Time sure does fly, doesn’t it?  It’s a new year, and with that comes a new outlook, maybe some new clothes, and, of course, some new people on all of the online dating sites.  (And don’t forget about all of the new single people after the turkey drop and holiday season break-ups.)

As we enter a new year of dating, with first dates abounding, it’s important to remember some helpful tips for achieving dating bliss in 2014:

1. Remain optimistic.

Have you ever been on a date where your date walks in, and he or she just looks miserable?  Or maybe you were the one on your fourth online date in a week, and you’re just jaded by the whole process.  That aura of negativity really sucks the life out of a date.  If you’re not ready to be dating, say after a break-up, that’s A-ok.  But when you are ready, it’s best to go in with a smile.

2.  Focus on the big picture, not the small stuff.

Your date tells you that he’s into some obscure indie band that you heard once and hated.  Is your potential relationship doomed?  Of course not, but sadly, a lot of people take tastes and hobbies more into account than what’s really important – values.  I’d rather know whether someone is close to his family than whether he reads only historical fiction.  It’s obviously nice to have hobbies in common (though I’m glad no one I ever dated played Mahjong like I do!), but in the end, small differences in tastes likely don’t amount to the demise of a relationship.

3. Ask questions.

No one wants to go on a date where one person is talking the entire time.  In order to encourage a healthy back-and-forth, the best thing you can do is to ask your date some questions.  (Hopefully he or she will do the same in return and not take that as a cue to ramble on for an hour straight!)  The questions that have the most luck require more than a simple one-word answer.  You want to get the person thinking.  For example, rather than asking, “What do you do?” (perhaps the most boring question in the book), you could ask, “What made you decide to get into medicine?” or “How do you enjoy your job as a pediatrician?  I imagine it must be very rewarding.”  The first question allows your date to simply say, “I’m a doctor,” but the other two require a bit of introspection, leading to a more thoughtful conversation… and perhaps a second date.

4. Have confidence.

A little confidence goes a long way.  Be decisive, be proud of who you are, have the courage of your convictions, and tell someone how you feel.  These pointers can carry over into other aspects of life as well.  Sometimes you have to talk the talk and walk the walk of confidence for a while, but eventually it’ll catch up to you.

So go out there and have some fun in 2014, and remember these pointers to give your dating life a boost. 

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Did you ever notice how the gym is packed in the first week of January, and your favorite stationary bike that overlooks the fire station on U St… ahem… your favorite piece of equipment is never available? And that Zumba class that used to have six people every week now has 38?

People make all kinds of New Year’s resolutions – to work out more, to quit smoking, to eat more vegetables, to learn a new language, to find love. Do you notice anything different between the first four items on that list and the last one? The first four are easily measured in small stages: You can increase your workouts from two to four times per week; you can switch to nicotine gum until the addiction has subsided; you can buy broccoli at the supermarket instead of tortilla chips; and you can take a community college Spanish class at night. But when it comes to finding love, it can seem hard to judge your results with anything short of “I met someone.” Just putting that as the arbitrary goal isn’t the way to go.

The better way to make a resolution to find “the one” this year is to break it down into smaller, measurable pieces. If you’re anything like me, you like to accomplish your goals and be able to measure the results. Below is a list of measurable (and fun) resolutions for the year ahead that should give your love life a kick-start in 2012.

1. Join an online dating site, and if you’re already on one, become more active. Just putting a profile up does not necessarily help with finding love. E-mailing people and being proactive about the process is what really matters.
2. Go to one extra social event per month. The more events you go to, the more people you’ll meet, and the more likely you are to strike up a conversation with a potential mate.
3. Talk to at least one new person at every event. It’s nice to have a crutch (aka your friend), but try to break out of your comfort zone this year and meet someone new. Plus, it might even make for a good “meet-cute” later. (I once dated someone I met in the hallway at jury duty because we both dared to meet someone new that day.)
4. Give one person you normally wouldn’t consider going out with a chance. You never know if you’ll have chemistry until you meet in person.

In the end, if you use these resolutions rather than simply stating “I am going to find love this year,” you will have full confidence in the fact that you put the effort in and worked towards your goal. Don’t be too hard on yourself, either. Meeting someone takes time, but the reward for working hard now may be a lifetime of happiness.

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