While a lot of the advice I give revolves around how to get the first date, even more important is how to nail that first date. First dates can be nerve-wracking, whether you’re a seasoned dater or not. Let’s take a look at some tips for the all-important first date:

What not to do on a first date:

1. Have your phone out or text
2. Talk about your ex, positively or negatively
3. Be late without notice
4. Be excessively late, with or without notice
5. Be rude to a server… or anyone
6. Drink too much
7. Talk about work the entire time
8. Have bad breath/hygiene
9. Talk about marriage (either your future one or what went wrong in your last one)
10. Fail to tip well
11. Talk about yourself too much
12. Be fake or some false version of yourself
13. Flip the “off” switch if no attraction

The last point always gets some questions. Sometimes we walk into a date and know within a matter of minutes that there is no physical attraction whatsoever. I’m a big believer that attraction can grow, but in order to grow, there at least has to be a little seedling to start. If there’s not, many people will just turn off, or no longer be present on the date. This means that you’re not only wasting your time but your date’s as well. Rather than deciding that this date is a failure at the get-go, instead, reframe your mind. Could this person teach you something? Could he or she be a business contact? When you frame things as, “What can I get out of this interaction?” then it’s a more pleasant experience for both of you.

What to do on a first date:

1. Confirm one day before the date (via text is A-okay)
2. Arrive on time
3. Greet each other with a casual hug (hug = date, handshake = interview)
4. Wear clothes to match the venue
5. Put the phone away (Yes, away!)
6. Smile and remain positive
7. Ask questions
8. Have a two-sided conversation
9. Most importantly… have fun!

One additional point about confirming a day before the date. Use the confident “Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow” vs. “Are we still on?” If someone is inclined to cancel, it won’t matter how you ask, so you might as well show your self-confidence.

Body language—how to increase the “flirt factor” on the date:

1. Face your date: Are your knees facing your date or turned away? The more you point them towards your date, the more likely you are into him/her, and vice versa.

2. Sit next to or catty-corner rather than across: It’s much easier to have a more intimate, and less interview-like conversation this way.

3. Maintain eye contact: If you want someone to know you’re truly listening, then make the appropriate eye contact.

4. Again… Don’t forget to smile

There are no right or wrong questions to ask on a date, but the ones that do better require more than a simple one-word answer. For example, “What made you passionate about medicine?” is more interesting than “What do you do?”

Some other ideas:

1. How was your day? (Often overlooked, but a great conversation starter.)
2. What do you like to do after work?
3. What made you decide to move to this area, and how do you like it?
4. What does your ideal Sunday look like?

All of these questions are things the other person already knows about him or herself, so it doesn’t require too much introspection. Then you can delve deeper:

Level 1: What do you do?

Level 2: Have you always had a passion for medicine and animals?

Level 3: What are some of the more memorable stories from your job?

Level 4: Were you scared when you thought that sweet cat wasn’t going to make it?

Remember that, in dating, there’s no perfect science… far from it. But using these pointers will at least get you on the right track… and potentially a second date!

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We all know what an obstacle is. According to our good friends Merriam and Webster, an obstacle is, “something that impedes progress or achievement.” Now, what if that “something” is you?

In dating, there are so many potential obstacles to that first date:
1. Emailing someone online
2. Talking on the phone (I actually never recommend this… article coming on the topic soon.)
3. Text messaging before the date

Each of these obstacles listed above is a potential rejection point for your date to decide not to go out with you (and vice versa). I know I’m a former economist and all, but you don’t need to be a math whiz to know that by removing one of these potential rejection points, the probability of actually getting to the date is greater.

Let’s look at a few scenarios below:

At each point, the date is presumed to have messed up in some way, but there may be an explanation for it. For Endless Emailer Ethan, perhaps he just doesn’t know how online dating works. Give him the benefit of the doubt and (gasp!) even suggest meeting him. For Chatty Cathy on the phone, perhaps she just talks too much when she gets nervous, but as she gets to know you, she calms down a bit and actually breathes between talking about her precious cockatoo and her trip to Finland last year. And for Texting Timmy, maybe he’s just plain excited to go out with a great catch like you. It’s better than the alternative – not contacting you at all. Simply saying, “I’m not really a huge texter,” should do the trick.

Do Ethan, Cathy, and Timmy hit a bit close to home? Or maybe you’ve dismissed one of them in your dating days. My advice? Remove the obstacles to the first date. You never know if you’ll have chemistry until you meet in person, so don’t get in your own way by setting up all of these rejection points. A couple of emails back and forth should be plenty, and then get right to the date. As a client just emailed me recently, “What came across in emails was not there in person. I guess that happens quite a bit and the more experience I get at this, the sooner I will try to get to a meeting so I don’t have to [spend] my time emailing.” Obviously, this can go either way – better in person or worse – but you have to actually meet to find out.

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