Online dating experts often give conflicting advice… 3 pictures versus 5 pictures, a long profile versus a short one, listing your salary range versus leaving it blank. But there’s one online dating pointer that most experts can agree on: Be by yourself in your online dating pictures. The last thing you want is to be compared to someone else in your own profile, or this could end up happening to you, too.

People have all kinds of reasons for including others in their photos, and I’m here to debunk them all… and then add two caveats for when it’s A-ok to share some screen time with someone else.

1. I want to show that I’m social.

If you’re trying to show that you’re social by including a picture of you with your friends, it often does the opposite – it looks like you’re trying too hard to show that you’re social. If you have an active social life, your profile should list some of the activities you do (kickball, mahjong, sailing club, etc.), and you’ll therefore have no need to show it in a picture. And we don’t want to make anyone pause to wonder whose profile this is. Remember – don’t let people compare you to your friends!

2. I want to show that really attractive people (often of the opposite sex) are friends with me.

This picture is intimidating on many levels. 1) It makes the person looking at your profile compare him/herself to your picture-mates to determine whether he/she is attractive enough for you. 2) It looks a bit conceited, like you only befriend really attractive people. 3) It makes the person looking at your profile wonder if all of your friends are of the opposite sex. Is there even room for someone else in your life? Lose-lose-lose.

3. I want to show how attractive my ex was so people can see who’s in my league.

This picture is also intimidating. 1) We compare ourselves. 2) We think you’re not over the ex if he/she still takes a prominent spot in your profile. 3) Even if you’re in a picture with just one other person of the opposite sex, we assume it’s an ex, even if it’s just a brother or sister. Again, lose-lose-lose.

4. I want to show how good-looking I am compared to the rest of my friends.

This has the opposite effect of #1. People may think that you’re only attracted to friends who aren’t as attractive as you are and wonder why. Or, more likely, they’ll see right through it. Shallow? Yes. True? Yes. (I’ll spare you a picture for this one.)

What are the two caveats? Children and pets. If you have children, it’s your choice whether to include a photo with them or not. But if you do, one is sufficient, and please add a caption saying that these are your kids. For pets, again, one picture with Fido or Mittens the Kitten is plenty. And remember, don’t just show a picture of your pet without you in it. For all we know, you stopped some guy on the street and asked to take a picture of his pup!

The moral of the story? Being alone is best… in your online dating profile picture, that is.

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In online dating, making a good first impression is key. People can easily pass over your profile with the blink of an eye if they don’t immediately see something they like. A recent study actually confirmed using data that men are extremely visual, looking mainly at the photos and less at the profile itself, making it even more important to choose wisely. Below are five rules of thumb for picking your online dating photos:

1. The main profile picture should be a clear headshot of yourself

If you don’t have at least one clear headshot as your main picture (it’s either blurry or too far away), it will look like you’re hiding something. You don’t want someone to click right past you because he or she can’t see what you look like, automatically assuming the worst.

2. Less is more

Believe it or not, Match.com allows a whopping 26 photos in your profile. That sounds more like a Facebook album! I have no doubt that the pictures from your trip to Greece with you standing on the Acropolis are amazing… just remember, there’s a time and a place for them, and that place is not an online dating site.

3. Be by yourself in the shot

Remember – this is your online dating profile. It’s not your friend’s, it’s not your dad’s – it’s yours. For that reason alone, you want people to see only you. You’re already being compared to others on the site, so don’t give someone the chance to compare you to other people in your own profile. If you’re trying to show that you have friends or are social, just say so. And for men, if you are trying to say, “These attractive women will hang out with me, so you should, too,” it actually backfires, making us think it’s an ex you’re not over yet. People often ask about pets. As long as Fido is yours, by all means take a picture with him. But just one.

4. Have one “interesting” picture

It’s hard to know what to say to someone in that first e-mail, isn’t it? This is why we need to provide some “e-mail bait” – something to catch someone’s attention and generate questions. For example, if you have a picture of yourself with a gold medal around your neck, it automatically raises the question, “How did you get that?”

5. Be accurate

The point of doing online dating is to get offline. Don’t lie about your looks – people will always find out the truth in the end.

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Got burning questions you’d like answered in a future blog post? E-mail date411@alittlenudge.com

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