Have you ever read those profiles where the person sounds intelligent and generally interesting… until that fateful last line? I’ve seen them all:

– Cowboys fans need not apply.
– If you’re looking for a fling, look the other way.
– No drama, please!
– If you’re into country music, forget about it.
– If you’re a cat-lover, move right along.
– Don’t write to me if you’re not looking for a serious relationship.
– Douche bags need not apply! (Taken from someone’s actual profile… I can’t make this stuff up.)

In doing a quick search of Match.com for men ages 25-50 within 20 miles of 20001 (my zip code), I found that 44 men used the expression “need not apply” somewhere in their profiles. And women? 125!

You might be thinking, “Is it really so bad to tell someone what I don’t want?” The short answer is: Yes. Let’s take the cat statement above, for example. While I may not love cats, I’m definitely not into negativity, so I’ll be turned off by a line eliminating a whole group of people for one trait. Instead, it’s better to show people what you do want rather than what you don’t. So in this case, rather than calling your cat hatred to everyone’s attention, just write about how you’re looking for a dog-lover because perhaps Fido is the main man in your life right now, and you’d like to change that.

By including one of these lines in your profile, you come off as negative, or even bitter. “No drama, please” screams, “My last relationship was full of drama, and I am SO over that.” “Douche bags need not apply” is not only a pretty disgusting expression, but also says to someone, “This girl’s been burned one too many times and she is jaded about this whole dating thing.”

Take a moment to reread your profile, and if something comes off as negative, try to turn it into a positive. To take two examples:

Negative: Cowboys fans need not apply.
Positive: I love football, but be careful because I may have to tease you about your team sometimes. (This line also serves as “e-mail bait,” enticing the reader to ask what team you like.)

Negative: Don’t write to me if you’re not looking for a serious relationship.
Positive: I’m looking for someone who is ready for a meaningful relationship.

When people read about you, they are likely to remember the last thing you said, so make sure the end of your profile comes across as confident, intelligent, and, most importantly, positive. Negative Nellies need not apply!

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In this day and age, sex runs rampant throughout pop culture. There are TV shows (“Sex and the City” was a personal favorite), songs, and plenty of movies that go into far more detail than I care to.

When it comes to looking for a serious, committed relationship online, however, sex and your online dating profile should not mix. Consider the two like oil and water, pickles and ice cream, toothpaste and orange juice… you get the idea. In its most innocuous form, people imply sex in countless profiles that mention touching and cuddling by the fire. But while cuddling by the fire may sound lovely, your profile is meant for you to talk about your hobbies and personality and for what you’re looking for in a partner. Who doesn’t like to cuddle? All that line does is take up extra space on the page when you could be using that prime real estate to win someone over. And I don’t know about you, but I personally wouldn’t want someone I don’t know creating a visual of me cuddling on the couch in my cozy PJs and slippers. Creepy!

Then there is the other extreme – explicitly mentioning sex in your profile. Unless you’re looking for a predominantly physical relationship (which some people are), this is an easy way to turn someone off.

Below are some real, unedited examples (taken from multiple online dating sites) of profiles where the “sex talk” is simply self-defeating:

1. “I like fishing and travel and sex.” (This was the first line of a guy’s profile!)
2. “I recently ended a faithful, 12-year marriage because I was unhappy with the intimacy and sex.”
3. “To be clear, uninhibited intimacy means I want a woman who enjoys cuddling up, flirting, talking dirty, and giggling in the arms of a man. I want a woman who simply loves having sex with a man. I want a woman who enjoys receiving oral sex…” (It went downhill from here. I spared your eyes – trust me.)
4. “I think it is important for the sake of compatibility, so I am leading with this: as it turns out, I prefer to be somewhat dominant in the bedroom. So yeah. There it is. I just wrote that, just put it right out there lol. :)”
5. “I am looking for someone who is ambitious as I am, and has strong morals and family values. Someone who shares the same goals in life as I do. Oh yeah, and the sex has to be great too! ;)”
6. “Simple down to earth, compassionate, confident, romantic and loves to see ladies in nicely fitted tight/painted on jeans look.” (A more subtle, yet still pretty graphic, way of doing it.)

Sex is an intimate thing to be shared between two consenting adults – not an entire online community. So try to leave the “sex talk” in your mind and off your profile. It’s not until you know someone well enough that you should invite him or her to hear your thoughts. To draw the right kind of attention, feel free to review these tips for your photos to get on the right track.

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