You haven’t written your online dating profile yet?  As any intrusive relative (we all have them) would say, “You’re not getting any younger!”  This is before the requisite pinch cheek, of course.  When you’re ready to take the leap and either subscribe to or update your online dating profile, here are the top 15 Quick & Dirty Tips for Your Online Dating Profile:

1. Make sure your photos are representative of you, especially the first one.  You would rather have someone meet you in person thinking, “He/she is much better-looking than the photos,” not “Those photos were a lie… or taken five years ago!”  Be confident, and be truthful.

2. Less is more when it comes to photos.  People will look for the one bad photo (um… the one with the empty wine bottle in front of you and your lips looking extra red?) and decide not to write to you because of it.  Three to five photos are recommended.

3. Have at least one clear “face” photo.  Blurry photos make people wonder if you’re hiding something.

4. Be by yourself in the shot.  Too many reasons!

• Don’t give someone the opportunity to compare you to the other people in your own picture.
• Don’t try to show that you’re social. We know you’re social.
• If it’s someone of the opposite sex, we think it’s your ex… or current significant other.

5. Have one photo doing something interesting.  Many people have no idea what to say in the initial message to you, so give them something to comment on, or “message bait.”  Ideas: you making a delicious loaf of bread, you doing underwater basket weaving, you riding a horse… you get the idea.

6. Include a full-body shot.  For the same reason as #1, it’s important that you portray yourself accurately.  Also, when people don’t have information (as in, what you look like below the neck), they assume things, and often they assume the worst.

7. Take your time writing your profile.  Many people think that writing an online dating profile is a one-time job, and they rarely change it based on its success (or lack thereof).  They also try to write it as quickly as humanly possible. This is one thing that you should really spend your time on.  You are putting yourself out there for the world to see, so you want to put your best foot forward.

8. In your profile, provide a bold introduction.  Try not to bore someone to sleep or sound just like everyone else.  Make the first line memorable and interesting.

9. End your profile on a positive note.  “Need not apply” need not be in your vocabulary.

10. Do NOT write a novel.  Anything over three paragraphs on a “traditional” online dating site like Match.com is much too long.  And on the apps (i.e. Tinder, Bumble, etc.), short and sweet—and quirky—is the key.

Example

Things I’m good at: remembering which direction the North Star points, swimming in really cold water, making pizza from scratch, writing limericks and ridiculous Tinder profiles

11. Stand out from the crowd.  If the stranger sitting next to you on the subway might have been able to write the same exact profile, then it is too generic, and it’s time to spice it up.

12. Avoid “empty adjectives.”  These are words like “smart,” “funny,” “attractive,” and “loyal” that are subjective and cannot be proven until someone gets to know you.

13. Proofread and edit.  If someone spells “your” incorrectly, I don’t assume carelessness; I assume stupidity.  Don’t make people think you’re stupid.

14. Make sure you’re realistic, not idealistic.  Your profile should be representative of you today, not the you in your head… who we know is a rock star.

15. Remember that online dating is not represented by any one bad (or good) date.  Don’t quit online dating after one bad date.  First, that person is just that—one person.  And every bad date is a good story.  (I have one about how I inadvertently went out with the same person twice… six years apart!)

Looking for more?  Feel free to grab a copy of my book, Love at First Site, on Amazon if you need additional help and motivation.

Want more dating advice? (You know you do!) Click Here for your very own dating cheat sheet of 25 secret dating tips you can use immediately.

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Have you ever come across an online dating profile that you like, you want to send a message, and then you have a strong bout of writer’s block? It turns out you’re not alone. Many people have no idea what to say in an initial online dating email (or text, if we’re talking about apps) to show someone that they have an interest in communicating and potentially meeting. For this reason, it’s best to give these potential suitors (or suitoresses?) one more thing to comment about. In other words, provide them with some “email bait.”

In my old JDate profile (LovesLifeDC), I had a photo of myself singing the National Anthem. I got almost daily emails asking where I was singing and how I got the gig. (Answers: A Washington Nationals game. A good demo and a lot of persistence. It was one of the best nights of my life… until I almost ran out of gas on the way home. I’ll save that story for a rainy day.) This picture alone gave men the “in” they needed to strike up a conversation with me.

Other examples of some of my clients’ interesting pictures have been:
– A woman playing ice hockey in full gear
– A guy dressed as a clown since he performs for children every Sunday
– A woman climbing a tree at a winery
– A guy singing with a mariachi band
– A woman posing next to a sign saying “Completely Nuts” (Oh wait – that was me again!)

As a side note, I think I can speak for most of my fair gender when I say that we don’t care how big the fish you caught was. Compensating for something, perhaps?

To show a real-life example, I’m going to use a photo of yours truly:

This picture, while fine, is not really showing anything special.

Now, let’s look at this one:

This picture instead shows me performing with Story League, something I like to do to get my creative juices flowing. It could easily generate questions like:

– Where are you speaking? (Busboys & Poets)
– Do you do that often? (Every month or two)
– What was that particular story about? (A text message gone awfully wrong)
– Do you always wear glasses? (Only if I want to see you from far away!)

These two pictures were taken the exact same night, but one would do much better online.

The moral: Many people have no idea what to say in the initial email, so give them something easy to comment about, or “email bait.”

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In online dating, making a good first impression is key. People can easily pass over your profile with the blink of an eye if they don’t immediately see something they like. A recent study actually confirmed using data that men are extremely visual, looking mainly at the photos and less at the profile itself, making it even more important to choose wisely. Below are five rules of thumb for picking your online dating photos:

1. The main profile picture should be a clear headshot of yourself

If you don’t have at least one clear headshot as your main picture (it’s either blurry or too far away), it will look like you’re hiding something. You don’t want someone to click right past you because he or she can’t see what you look like, automatically assuming the worst.

2. Less is more

Believe it or not, Match.com allows a whopping 26 photos in your profile. That sounds more like a Facebook album! I have no doubt that the pictures from your trip to Greece with you standing on the Acropolis are amazing… just remember, there’s a time and a place for them, and that place is not an online dating site.

3. Be by yourself in the shot

Remember – this is your online dating profile. It’s not your friend’s, it’s not your dad’s – it’s yours. For that reason alone, you want people to see only you. You’re already being compared to others on the site, so don’t give someone the chance to compare you to other people in your own profile. If you’re trying to show that you have friends or are social, just say so. And for men, if you are trying to say, “These attractive women will hang out with me, so you should, too,” it actually backfires, making us think it’s an ex you’re not over yet. People often ask about pets. As long as Fido is yours, by all means take a picture with him. But just one.

4. Have one “interesting” picture

It’s hard to know what to say to someone in that first e-mail, isn’t it? This is why we need to provide some “e-mail bait” – something to catch someone’s attention and generate questions. For example, if you have a picture of yourself with a gold medal around your neck, it automatically raises the question, “How did you get that?”

5. Be accurate

The point of doing online dating is to get offline. Don’t lie about your looks – people will always find out the truth in the end.

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Got burning questions you’d like answered in a future blog post? E-mail date411@alittlenudge.com

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